2021…. I stepped away for a year! In that year we were hit with a pandemic, who knew! I was also hit with many realities and challenges. Excitement that allowed my soul to rise! I’ll revive this blog because honestly, it’s pretty good y’all! It’s sexy, riveting and honest with information gathered from many sources which allows me to breathe life into each mini saga! For now, I bid you farewell but I shall return with the juice and I hope you’ll be reading….
Category Archives: In General….
Life Evolution & Lessons in love
I’m finally saying hello to 2020. The last decade brought me many things. Love, pain, success, knowledge, growth, happiness, peace and joy. But also, self-discovery, self-worth, self-love. I’ve grown mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually! As an emotional creature, I sometimes feel a bit deeper than maybe the average.
I’ve learned so much about love, loss and missteps.
I’ve learned about love addiction rooting from feelings of abandonment and rejection that are deep rooted from childhood.
Learned how that love addiction caused irrational feelings of desperation and unhealthy attachments.
Learned how much trauma not only shapes who you are but creates the inability to even see that a problem exists. We get conditioned to pain and we don’t even realize it. We confuse pain with love and the true form becomes unrecognizable.
Learned what it really looks like to own my shit, have patience with myself and grow from it.
Learned accountability and responsibility which helped with emotional regulation.
Learned that I didn’t fully express the dark parts of myself out of fear of judgment, shame or further abandonment.
Learned that those dark parts are part of my story and to allow them to be just that with only progress moving forward.
Lastly, I truly learned the importance of loving and being loved in a language that I understand and what it should feel like. To also accept others and understand their love languages how to meet them there.
For everyone that rocked with me this last decade, it was one hell of a ride and I wouldn’t change a thing about it!
Thank you to my final year in my 30th decade, for the lessons you’ve taught me. Time to knock out these goals and intentions for this week, month, year and decade!
You are deserving of great things and they will all come your way.
Unexpected love…
Sometimes the most unexpected things occur and knock you off your feet. You’re so use to fighting and loving in destruction that you fail to see a good thing and you sabotage it. You call it protection or boredom or simply bad timing, but it’s actually fear. Fear that you are finally feeling the love and effort that you deserve. Fear that somehow it will all come crashing down so you make mountains out of mole hills. You date the emotionally detached, the avoiders, the mommy/daddy issues, the ones too damaged and arrogant to even try, because you’re use to disappointment. But you know what, love? You deserve that one that shows you things your heart, mind, eyes and soul have never experienced and may even find inconceivable. Don’t be your own worst enemy. Healing is healing and it’s never too late to start that journey. Allow someone to love you through it when time lends its hand. Even if it’s short lived, embrace it.
I love you…
Possibly three of the most powerful words many of us will ever hear but what’s the impact?
Sometimes it’s not that people love you, it’s that they love themselves and love how you make them feel. They love your consistency and dependability. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on hearing people tell us they love us but their actions show otherwise.
Loving someone means that sometimes you are uncomfortable because you learn to love that person in a way they understand love. The way they feel it. Meaning you took the time to listen and learn. How can you love someone when you only show it in a way that’s comfortable for you and find yourself shocked when they fail to feel loved. Or are confused about where they stand with you.
No one wants to always conform to the other persons way of loving with nothing in return. Love can be scary because of the fear of being hurt, but always keeping your guard up will result in people growing tired and walking away.
The most resilient in love may not mind the vulnerability because they understand the reward is great. Those people are often disregarded and undervalued. The best part is that eventually they figure out that they are wasting their love and move forward…
Passion…
Yes, I’m talking about biting your lip at the sheer thought of your lover. Tracing their face with your finger tip, tightening your legs from the shiver and exhaling because you realized you weren’t breathing! Whew! Closing your eyes and feeling them in their absence…
Open your eyes when kissing and watch how much passion takes over your body. It’s intoxicating! So much passion and intimacy lies within the touch. Touch one another. Play with one another. Laugh and talk with one another. Plan a surprise hotel stay and make love all night! Have a parking lot make out session! Throw caution to the wind but don’t get locked up! Please! Go on a date with crotchless panties! Get handsy! Play in the car, but don’t end in sex, leave with a little anticipation, a little yearning but not too long! Life is about fun as well. Loosen up!
Be with someone who makes it overtly clear that they want you! If you have beautiful, easy and solid chemistry, don’t take it granted, everyone doesn’t have it. It doesn’t mean they can’t have a beautiful relationship though. True intimacy takes effort. Consider your lover. Men typically want to be wanted, women want to be desired. Women love to be considered. Simple as that. The power of passion lies in intimacy. The power of intimacy lies in communication. The power of communication lies in vulnerability.
Simplicity …
I’m in a unique space, where my energy only allows freedom, autonomy and love at this point. For a long time I felt trapped in a space of confusion that made me feel uncertain, as if I couldn’t breathe and made me cling irrationally. That came from hurt, fear, pain…trauma.
Sometimes our lives are full of expectations and other peoples needs that you fulfill. In those times people simply want to feel appreciated. They don’t want to beg others to spend time with them, hope they are thought of during the day or week only to not know or be last minute thoughts. They simply desire for someone to be nice to them with no pretense or expectations.
• Appreciate those who surround you.
• Be kind because it’s free.
•Kindness is so simplistically beautiful that it will change your life right before your eyes
•Stop acting as if you’re too busy for the people care about you. Even the busiest men and women make time.
Life is as simple and as beautiful as we allow ourselves to make it. Even people who have suffered the greatest heartbreaks and reside in extreme poverty still find reasons to smile. Send a smile a strangers way and be genuine.
Sometimes we spend so much time making others happy that we miss ourselves. Don’t miss yourself!
Signed,
The Nocturnal Philosopher
Attraction…
I read a few articles and different postings about attraction and how we can get it wrong in our relationships. So across the board it discusses being attracted to the persons natural scent. Pheromones. That if anything about their particular scent is off putting to you, they are not the person you’re suppose to be paired with. Do you love the smell of your lover straight out of the shower without perfume lotions or soaps? Do you wake up in the morning and kiss the person without brushing your teeth? Can you?
Furthermore do you like their smell after they come home from a long day of work? Would you make love to them without a shower if they hadn’t been sweating all day?
People believe in soul mates but do those same people believe in compatibility based on natural smell attraction?
I’m curious, have you ever broken off a relationship based on a persons’ natural smell? Have you ever found yourself insanely attracted to a persons’ natural smell but couldn’t understand why?
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Love and the battlefield…
Every single day that you wake up and you’re in love is beautiful. It’s also another day in the minefield of things that could explode. Often times we only consider the happiness and joy of love. We fail one another when we don’t consider how impossible it is to not let another person down. To not be terrified of being hurt. To not process our emotions, speak our deep hurts and heal our traumas. We fail one another by thinking that we are best suited to walk this journey alone and if someone wants to walk it with us they must get behind us because beside us isn’t available due to Damage being our right hand. That comfort zone that we all run to when things don’t go our way, get complicated or are more than expected.
Just because we dropped the ball doesn’t mean we can’t pick it back up.
Humans are flawed. Love is intricate. Love is also easy when people are willing to do the work. I sit in my new belief and firmly attest to it. People may love differently but all of us are capable of altering that way if we truly love another by opening our hearts and choosing to do so. We chose how successful we become by doing the work and making sacrifices, love works the same way. Life is about growing, making mistakes and learning from them.
Be open to learning new ways of love. There’s never just one way of doing things. We not only need other people but we need real, solid and true connections.
How To Get The Want….
Day by day, each and every one of us has a struggle. There are no small struggles. It is not selfish to want to make yourself a priority, it is necessary. Self-care is key and understanding what you want can be just as important as what you need. We go through so many things we never share with another soul, that could cause us to suffer in silence and be alone in the midst of darkness that most wish to never encounter. All those thoughts, fears, pains, feelings… just let them pour onto the paper. I’ve included what I call, “Tarah-isms: Food for Thought” to hopefully provide some motivation, comfort, support, insight and solace…..
BTWN LVRS: Changing The Narrative 