Moments of Realization #6

Finding your Mate

Trust me, I know that this is difficult. Ladies may have that long list that they have been adding to, for the last 10 years. Every time they meet a man, they go down the checklist in their head. This is all before giving the man a chance on his own merit. When going out, try going out alone instead with a group of friends. This may make a woman unapproachable by a man that is by himself. Try grocery stores, Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, those a few good places to make appearances. Men, especially the mamas boys, have a tendency to compare women to their mom’s or even the ex’s. Men are visual so they like what is appealing to the eye. Women do to, but they are more willing to work with a confident man even if they are not a visual 10. Guys, please be mindful about how and when to approach the woman. She may be with a group of ladies, but goes off to the bar by herself. That is your chance, not when she is back with the group and your chances for rejection double.  As both men and women go through their laundry list, it is essential to have most of the qualities that they seek. The main reason is that, if you want a man that makes 6 figures, has no children, and his own home, Im sure that he would like the same things in a woman. If you want a woman that has no children, can cook, and is faithful, it would behoove you to measure up. Now the problems come in when you see obvious signs during the dating phase. Now please know that there is still a such thing as a dating phase. This does not mean that because he is cute, he should move from his mom’s house to yours. Or the only way that you can talk to the person is by text message and never after 8pm. Or because she has a great body, you should ignore the fact that she is sitting outside your house at night and calling you 10 times a day. Before saying yes to the relationship, take time getting to know that person. People are not always honest, some are married, have several undisclosed children, and even are jobless. If this is what you want in a mate, then fine. However, if you really want to get to know the person that you are attracted to, take the necessary time. Three months is a good amount of time to make a solid decision for a monogamous relationship. **DATING DOES NOT MEAN RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU ARE STILL FREE TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE UNTIL YOU AGREE OTHERWISE** This person could still be a great liar and make it through the initial 3 month phase. Make sure that both of you agree on being in a relationship and what you expect from it. The last thing people want are unmentioned expectations. Stop trying to force him/her into what you want them to be. They do not need to be reminded about you being a great catch, if they think you are, they will do right by you. You just have to know if you are willing to stay around for the drama hoping they will change or move on to the next one. You must know about religion, children, marriage, money, etc. beforehand. Please remember that no matter how hard you try, you can not change a person. Don’t listen to him/her saying, “I will get a divorce” “I will get that paternity test”, “he is just my ex, but he helps me around the house”. If you do not like things about them now, get out early.  This is not first date conversation, but it should come up within those 3 months.

*Key points- Be realistic when you are in the dating world! You can get what you want in a mate, you just have to know what that is.